I think it began with hormones…

me before I felt fat
I was all legs without an extra ounce!

I love this photo of me as a youngster.  I remember this time. I had no self-consciousness about my weight, clothes of course would fit and were a “normal” size, and I was super active.

When did this change?

I think right around the time I hit puberty (early, lucky me I was 9 , just about to turn 10).  I developed hips and breasts and I no longer had that lean and leggy look.

I remember being in grade school, walking to school and seeing another child who was heavy, being taunted and called fat.  It was shocking.  I remember being afraid of what it would be like if that ever happened to me.  I was shy except with family or friends, so the idea of being noticed and spoken to so meanly, was horrifying.

By the time I was in 5th grade (as I recollect, I may update this if my recollection improves) I was a bit heavy for my height and the family doctor’s prescription was actually a good one.  No seconds at mealtime.  I followed that and lost weight that year, while growing taller.  A win!

As I look back I can see that my issues perhaps began pre-puberty, when I was very young.  I would come home from grade school, and make comfort food for a snack.  I didn’t eat fruit.  I ate instant mashed potatoes with butter or cream of wheat with sugar and butter.
I loved to read from a very young age, but I especially loved reading with cookies or a muffin in hand.
If I climbed the willow tree out front of the house we lived in for a lot of grade school and Junior high, I took a book and a muffin right up there with me.

I loved to visit family, and really loved having a snack or meals with them.  I also loved to cook, and this I am happy about.  I began helping my mom in the kitchen when I was 4 years old or so.

I can definitely associate many of my childhood memories with meals, favorite family dishes. The smell in my aunt and gram’s house of marinara sauce simmering is particularly special to me.

My mother and I both went on the Stillman diet at one point before I left home, and that was probably my first experience with a lower carb/higher protein approach.

That feeling of awkwardness with my body that began with puberty, continued right into college.

As a college freshman I saw a ‘diet doctor’ from whom I received a diet to follow (1200 calories as I recall, but it may have been 1000) and weekly shots of something or other.  It helped some but certainly wasn’t the answer.
At least I’d come into my own in terms of knowing who I was, how I liked to dress, and how to feel good about how I looked.  But my eating wasn’t normal.

My Junior year of college I spent away, taking part in a one year program for women writer’s, based on the campus of Cazenovia College, Cazenovia NY.  That was such a difficult year.  More than any issue of how good a writer I was or wasn’t, I was an outsider from the particular group of women attending.

I gained 20 lbs., ending up in the 160s.  For the first time I experienced being out of breath trying to tie my shoes, and experienced physical discomfort from the extra weight.

I have a poem from this time that expressed what I was doing with food perfectly.  I will edit this to add it once I locate it again.

My next choice of losing weight was Weight Watchers.  I attended a number of times, doing well for 6 to 12 weeks, losing 20+ pounds each time.  I tried a number of their versions from low fat to high fiber, and finally realized I was the poster child for what can happen with yo yo dieting.

In my early 30s,  I stopped dieting, read a book about how diets don’t work, and just let go.  I didn’t have the best eating habits, but I stopped gaining and maintained in the low to low-mid 200s for some time.

The next diet that caught my attention was by Susan Powter.  It seemed so simple, and her story was truly inspiring.  I began to count fat calories like mad and changed how I cooked and shopped.  This was the beginning of my being a label reader – for which I am grateful.  It is a worthy habit!

Fast forward to my marrying, and having trouble with trying to conceive.  Tests, workups, a surgical procedure,  fertility drugs (clomid) and finally a  referral to a reproductive endocrinologist.  I was misdiagnosed with PCOS, and learned a painful lesson about not waiting to get a second opinion.  It was the wrong doctor for me, time was lost.

I was not able to have a child, had a hissy fit about that, and gained 100 lbs.
Part of that time did include my joining a wonderful support group for women with PCOS (before my realizing this just wasn’t what was going on with me) and that is where I learned about using diets such as Atkins, The Zone or the Carbohydrate Addicts Diet.  I chose the second book by Dr. Richard and  Dr. Rachel Heller – Carbohydrate Addicts Lifespan Program (CALP)as the one that felt best for me.  I chose wisely.

1996 is when I began trying to eat the CALP way, and I can finally say that as of 2011 to the current time,  I “get it”.  It is the way I choose to eat for the rest of my life.

Food logs make a reappearence! Saturday March 29th, 2014

Breakfast cm:
1 Trader Joe’s Garlic Herb Chicken sausage
1 slice Sargento Natural’s Deli Slices Cheddar cheese
1 oz. half and half

CM Veggie:
1 cup boiled zucchini

RM Dinner (had no lunch):
2 cups Romaine lettuce
2 stalks celery
1 scallion
1 cup raw cauliflower florets
1 serving Litehouse Jalapeno Dressing

CM Veggie:
1 cup petite broccoli florets
1- 25 gm slice fresh tomato

2 Amylu Carmelized Onion Chicken Burger With Red Bell Pepper and Gouda Cheese
1 tsp. unsalted butter
1 oz. half and half

1 packet (equals 1 tablespoon) Kraft Mayonnaise
1 tab. Smucker’s All Natural Raspberry Fruit Spread.

Balance is so important

My weight today is 211.9.  I think it is trending up the past two days due to my RM’s being a bit carbohydrate heavy.

I normally do a pretty darn good job of balancing that meal.  I make sure I have salad or extra cm vegetables to begin, protein in fairly equal amounts to the vegetables and carbohydrates.

I will be more careful tonight and this weekend, as I really want to see a new average on Monday that is under 212.

Riding the roller coaster

but the heights are lower and the lows are lower.  I woke up early and was 212.1..went back to bed and when I got up to stay up for the day, my weight was 211.6 which is the number I’ll use when I average on Monday.

I had a LOT of salt yesterday, my body was just craving it.  I also had more carbs than usual at my Reward Meal.  I tried a serving of cherry Kombucha with chia seeds (interesting, don’t think I’d get it again), Dole’s new dark chocolate covered banana slices (4 per 100 cal package and 13 gms carb) and a Scharr Gluten-free sub roll!

When I am bothered by seeing a higher than I want weight, I just look back at the past 2-3 weeks.  I see that today’s “unh” number is one I’d have been delighted with in the very recent past.  It gives me perspective.   I am losing, though it is slow, it is steady.

New average and almost time for the 10 lb. countdown to Onderland

My new weight by average is 212.24 for a loss this past week of 2.1 pounds.  My overall weight loss is now 155.76 pounds!

I am coming up on the 3rd anniversary of deciding I’d had enough and was going to lose my excess weight and improve my health.